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Photography by Ty Faruki



A collection of videos from the Instagram Live sessions I host on every Sunday. This video includes all the women I have had the pleasure to virtually meet, sharing the women that inspire them. In order of appearance: Fatma Al Baiti: https://www.instagram.com/fatma.albaiti/​ Hafsa Isa Salwe: https://www.instagram.com/hafsaisalwe/​ Ala Alanazi: https://www.instagram.com/alaxale/​ Noura A. Sheikh: https://www.instagram.com/nouraasheikh/​ Julie Louas: https://www.instagram.com/fashionmoodz_/​ Gita Savitri Devi: https://www.instagram.com/gitasav/​ Hanna Faridl: https://www.instagram.com/hannafaridl/​ Sumaia Saiboub: https://www.instagram.com/coveredinla...​ Halima Begum: https://www.instagram.com/wwags/​ Noha: https://www.instagram.com/intibint/​ Zahra Warsame: https://www.instagram.com/zw9_x/​ Esra Alhamal: https://www.instagram.com/arabianwand...​ Dora Dalila Cheffi: https://www.instagram.com/doradalila/​ Izzah Khan: https://www.instagram.com/irukandji_c...​ Ghizlan Guenez: https://www.instagram.com/ghizlan_gue...​ Bella Bekanova: https://www.instagram.com/bellabekanova/​ Kareemah Ashiru: https://www.instagram.com/hijabiglobe...​ Safiyah Tasneem: https://www.instagram.com/safiyahtasn...​ Janahara Nasution: https://www.instagram.com/jenaharanas...​ Hafsa Lodi: https://www.instagram.com/hafsalodi/​ Aina Khan: https://www.instagram.com/ainajkhan/​
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY
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I did this video on World Hijab Day to encourage a dialogue about the hijab. This took over 3 days to make, compiled with over 38 videos and writing own subtitle along with picking the 'right music'...

The music is by Portico Quartet
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Referring to glasses as eye glasses/frames across this article. 

I had my first eye test at the age of 8, the doctor only spoke German and Italian, of which I spoke neither at that time. I remember my father telling me I needed to start wearing glasses, because my eyesight were. All I knew was, that not only was I going to be the first nerd (or geek?) in the family, but also at school. I remember the first nickname I got…Steve Urkle. Even though I did somewhat look like a young & female version of Steve Urkle, it was hurtful. To be compared to a fictional character that was clumsy, idiotic and geeky, I already stood out as a person of colour who was a foreigner, I didn’t need that in addition. 

I have gone through four glasses between the age of 8 and 16, even had a whole year where I refused to wear glasses all together. I chose squinting over having 00 vision, just to avoid more unwanted name callings. I eventually learned to accept that I can’t spend my life having a blurry vision, just because a couple of insecure teenage losers decided to name call me! Steve Urkle, freak, four eyes, geek, you name it, I took it all in one ear and out the other.


I am not sure if poor eyesight is considered a disability, but I can tell you it’s not fun. I don’t understand when people wear eyeglasses for ‘fashion’? What’s so fashionable about having poor eyesight? Don’t these people understand the frustration that comes with needing visual aid in order to see the world surrounding you? The weight of frames on your nose bridge (yes even aluminium frames)? The anxiety one gets when having to remove the glasses in public spaces? The nightmares of running from something, whilst everything is blurry; yes, like that scene from the Mummy, where the guy with the glasses gets snatched, because he lost his glasses and couldn’t see anything but blur! Yes surly, getting laser eye surgery could be a solution, but it’s not for everyone. I for one, am horrified of the thought alone, not to mention potential failure of procedure and even the cost of it. 

The only positive association with glasses I know off, is being considered smart. At some stage, I used to compare wearing eyeglasses for fashion, to walking with bedazzled crotches for fashion. Just wrong. How ridiculous and outdate it is to associate eyeglasses with nerds, geeks and even ultra-smart people; to use these terminologies to bully others. Let’s not forget that wearing eyeglasses was not considered attractive, of course the ugly duckling in films and TV shows wears glasses and her transformation to beauty only happens when she removes the glasses. Have association with glasses changed? Yes, characters may be smart or pretty, but now they’re also uptight. Give me a break.  


But thank goodness for those fashion fools, for putting people with poor eyesight on the fashion radar. Also, for those who wore their eyeglasses with conviction, pride and style! Now, more than ever, are frames more stylish, sleek and unique than before. So many brands cater to those who need visual aid, if you can call it that? Frames come in all type of colours, shapes, sizes, branded and non-branded. Individuals can express their style identity with their eyeglasses that suits their overall style. Even before trendy eyeglasses reached the masses, there are unique public figures in the past and present with iconic eyewear; Malcom X, Iris Apple, John Lennon, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Andy Warhol (do you notice how they’re mainly men?)


I outgrew the first pair, broke the second pair, lost the third pair, and decided that my fourth pair should be sleek, expensive and make me look not only intelligent but also stylish. Now remembering, they were neither! I don’t even remember the brand, it was some unfamous Italian one. Anyhow, when we moved to London, I ended up losing them, so I just got a cheap pair from the optician. I no longer cared, I just needed to see. I managed to have those run over by a bus…I don’t have any pictures with glasses from the age of 11-18! 

Dolce & Gabbana

Because at the age of 18, I thought wearing D&G was so cool (forgive me, but I was unaware of their racism). Black & square frames on the outside, purple on the inside. They looked as hideous as they sound. I wore them throughout A-levels and university, looking like an uptight secretary or just a very unstylish girl with the headscarf. But I was young, so happy to own my first design frames and feeling like that it reflected me as an individual. I still had those frames, even after changing to my Ray Ban’s. 

Ray Ban

Around 2013, I got the Ray-ban, because I was fond of Malcom X’s frames! If I was going to be called after a famous black man, might as well be Malcom X, revolutionary and as real as it gets! Damn I felt cool, relaxed and carefree. I liked wearing them on daily bases, and almost would not bother with contact lenses, unless I had events and such to attend. Let’s be honest, even I didn’t find myself attractive or pretty with glasses. I had them for good 7 years until they’ve aged and broke from wear and tear this year March. 


Chanel 

Despite going through seven pair of glasses in 24 years (which is not a lot, considering half of them broke!), I find it really, like really difficult to find a pair that fits my face and that I genuinely love. Hence why I wouldn’t change frames, unless they broke, lost or aged. I continued wearing my broken Ray Ban’s for another three months, just because I couldn’t find a pair that I loved. I went around Hong Kong looking across many opticians and brands to find a pair I loved. To be honest, I wanted them to be specifically round, large and thin gold frames. Minimalistic and elegant, the frames currently trending across Hong Kong and Korea. Prada did them, Ray Ban, Giorgio Armani and many other brands, but they had to be Chanel, of course they had to be Chanel. I went high and low to find those pair, had to get them ordered because fashion in Hong Kong (Asia in general) is a step ahead of Europe. They go through sessions so fast, that spring collections look ancient during autumn the same year. 


Chanel Europe was selling the pair I wanted (they still do), while in Hong Kong they were out of stock after AW19/20 was over. I had them shipped from Singapore. Now I wear them religiously, I mean I have to, to see, but I don’t even bother with contact lenses anymore. For once since the past 24 years, do I feel like myself in glasses. Elegant, intelligent with expensive taste. 

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#thezirkus_beirut 


Beirut is a city that’s very much wounded but oozes of optimism and is high in spirit. There was nothing I didn’t love about this city, even it’s devastating side had a sense of strength and resilience to display. As a tourist, I can only imagine what the pros and cons are, but not fully comprehend or experience them. Just like any other city I visit for a short period of time.  



I enjoy travel reviews and guides that give incredible tips on where to go and what to do. But I get disappointed that the ‘unpleasant’ sights or stories are not shared or pretended not to exist. In all fairness, it can be tricky to unveil depths of a place or put a magnifying glass to its flaws. As a tourist arriving in a place thinking it’s all dandy and then having to face the harsh reality of a city is heart-breaking. The number of homeless people in Athens, the beggars in Istanbul, the broken homes in Algiers, the racism in Zurich, the islamophobia in Paris, the xenophobia in Ljubljana, the rudeness in Beijing and so many more. All these come to a shock once I arrive to a city, because travel reviews are practically pictures often painted by white or Western tourists (yes you can be none white and Western!).  



In all fairness, usually travel guides are designed for tourists who can afford to visit certain locations and jet-set around the world. The common guides coming from publications such as Monocle, Wallpaper, Lonelyplanet, Suitcase and even from popular travel bloggers are unattainable for individuals on low- or average-income salary. They promote places that are clean, trendy and even luxurious, taking tourists away from a multicultural experience in a city; meaning the poor and the rich, the reality and the dream. My reviews are my personal experiences and observation from a place, it’s not a full reflection of the city’s habitants and reality. They’re neither right nor wrong, they are my reflection. 



To be frank, I’ve overbooked my stay in Beirut, three to four days would have been enough for me, as I go through a lot of locations on a day. Five days felt stretched, as I’ve managed to see Beirut’s main sights and residential areas in three days. I’ve spent the last two days hanging out a resort and the beach. Relaxing, but I am not one for beach holidays. Don’t like them and prefer city trips. Anyhow, it also didn’t help that it was during Ramadan as half of the city was fasting, while the other half was observing Ramadan business hours out of respect. Most restaurants wouldn’t open until late afternoon, and if they were open for brunch & lunch, they were empty. But we still made the most of it, visited sights, museums and places that were fascinating. 



I love Lebanese food, it has the perfect combination of carbs, protein and nutritional vegetables. It’s light and flavoursome, my favourite cuisine along Turkish, Asian (grouping Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Korean and Vietnamese etc) and Mediterranean cuisine. I’m not sure if Lebansese dishes are always prepared freshly, but they surely tasted fresh. I love lahmacun and found a bakery that prepared them fresh (see the picture and IG for reference). Their cuisine is similar to neighbouring countries with own distinct Lebanese way.   



I particularly liked the people, they were friendly, welcoming and relaxed. Because Beirut has a mixed population that practices Islam and Christianity, the usual ‘Arab’ judgement of people eating during daytime in Ramadan didn’t exist. Drinking alcohol isn’t prohibited, modest wear isn’t the only option for women, Muslims and Christians coexist. The Cathedral is right next to the largest masjid, a reflection of a society that celebrates its habitants’ religious practice. However, this is simply my outlook, reality could be very much different, I don’t know. 



There was something different about this trip: it wasn't my usual travelling around the world, but it was to celebrate my first anniversary with Cesar. We both decided on Beirut, as neither of us have been before and we both are intrigued by the city. It didn't disappoint, and the 14th of May was definitely memorable. Go big or go home (no, we didn't celebrate big, we just made sure it was memorable).

Beirut is a beautiful city that has a lot to offer, from history, culture to food and contemporary scenes. It is a creative hub, the birth of haute couture maison Elie Saab, the home to Fairuz and many musicians. The Paris of the Middle East (their claim, not mine) and the city that has been wounded so many times but always finds a way to get back up stronger.


It's one thing being affected by a global pandemic but its another thing facing a tragedy of mass explosion. I am devastated for the people of Beirut and hope they will recover from this, through aid, fundraisers and global assistance. 2020 is have been a rough year, but I remain optimistic for everyone and everything. I'm not going to write about the devastating event that has taken place in Beirut, as you can find numerous news and media outlets reporting on it, but I hope we all do our part to support. 

Here are some you can support:

- Global Giving (there is a large list)
- Just Giving
- Impact Lebanon

The rest of this post are a series of photos from our holiday in May 2019 in Beirut/Lebanon. 










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I was going through different phases, both on a creative and personal level. I felt insecure about my creative and visual identity, the tone and voice I wanted to express, and I did not want this phase to be on public display. I’m a perfectionist and my own biggest critic. I didn’t feel loved not because I wasn’t loved but because I did not love myself to see myself going through public scrutiny. I wanted to come back to blogging several times, but I was facing personal issues, from mental health to losses of grandparents to career changes. I’m not one to be overtly open and forward with my emotions and personal struggles. I’ve managed to build a thick skin from a young age and have been completely private since forever. This was mainly due to protecting myself from external harm, fear of mockery and opening up to potential emotional and mental damages. 

When I started blogging, I was both naïve and unaware of the internet, what it held and how potentially harmful it would be The first two years, I used to get emails and private messages of all sorts, but I never fed into them nor entertained them publicly. I didn’t want to display anger, disappointment, frustration or any emotions that were considerably interpreted negative. Being angry isn’t negative, but how one chooses to channel it could potentially be negative. But it took me a while to understand emotions and build emotional intelligence surrounding not only online/social media platforms but even on a personal level in life. 


For a very long time, I was definitely not one to express anything to my family and friends, let alone strangers online. It always bewildered me how bloggers and vloggers came out so openly with their emotional or mental health struggles. Completely alien and foreign to me how they managed to channel it into their platform seamlessly. Courageous enough to come forward with this. Of course, I am aware they would not share the details involving their lives, but even sharing a fraction of it was both admirable and frightening to me. Admirable to come to terms with themselves but frightening how easily they’ve entrusted an integral part of themselves to complete strangers online. The authenticity and actuality of it all lays with the individual sharing their story, I am not one to speculate whether that was connected to being part of ‘reality TV’ culture, monetising on personal stories or gimmicks.

Though some of the support received were immensely appreciated, desperation to get approval and validation from certain people that would not pay me dust, got the best of me. This ultimately led to me not seeing anything I was doing as successful nor worth pursuing. I was comparing myself to others, not my work (arrogantly I thought on a creative point, I was way ahead and advanced haha), but myself as a person and why my platform wasn’t picking up as much as I thought. Comparison is a silent killer. I belittled my work more than others did, I was unable to acknowledge that my work was being accredited by major publications and companies. 

Yet, I feared that I was taking on a responsibility of representing Muslim women, boxing them and speaking on subjects that I was not well informed on. The fact that everyone jumped on minor disagreements and lashed out on those public women, scared the hell out of me.


Perhaps they were not as well informed, but that shouldn’t take away from their personal experiences, observations and perspectives. This is one thing many, me included, did not understand. Eventually, this grew into what we now know as the cancel culture today. Not many understand writing something privately to someone to inform them of their misconception or misunderstanding of a subject, instead most publicly comment practically preaching “sIs tHiS Is nOt HiiiiiJaAaAAAbBbBBB!!!”. How audacious people get behind screens and keyboards.  

At some stage, I felt so dishonest to myself and disconnected with reality, I just had to get away from the internet. I was not even sure why I started any of it and forgot my intentions of starting a platform that was meant to be a genuine celebration & desperate need for representation of women that shared the same religious believe, were culturally similar and understood what it was like to feel alienated or ostracised by society. What was heart breaking for me though was I felt ostracised by the same women and community I frantically wanted to fit in to. I didn’t fit into the Muslim community in the UK, because I am not Asian, I’m not Somali, I am not North African, I am not African and I’m definitely not white (colourism is a real issue in Muslim communities). I am an Arab, but not the usual Arab commonly known in the UK (from Bilad al-Sham). Yemeni, with a combination of African and Arab descent, brown skin, full lips and racially ambiguous. Perhaps I made myself feel ostracized, but I definitely was at fault for not standing up for myself. 

Definitely was not a “je ne sais quoi!” or ‘I have a thick skin’ kind of woman, as much as I tried to portray that to my friends, family and strangers online. I was hurting but had too much pride to show an ounce of vulnerability. Modest fashion blogging really made that come forward even more than I anticipated, and I couldn’t deal with it. I also couldn’t deal with the frivolous and ignorant views about fashion within the Muslim community. Everyone was suddenly everything fashion without spending a minute learning or knowing about fashion. I did mention before that it was an evolutionary and experimental stage for many, as it was a new territory, but I take fashion dead seriously. Not to an extend where I verbally murder someone for not knowing something fashion related, but to an extend where I pursued it academically and professionally. I have a master’s degree in strategic FASHION marketing for heaven’s sake.  


For those who know me in person, I am outspoken, loud, brave, curious and experimental. I have a bold personality that I would only display once I was comfortable in an environment or with the people within that environment. I’ve always spoke my mind, did not shy away from standing up to myself and others around me. But I was a completely different person online, tip toeing around anything that may stir people up or cause controversy. Yet, I was controversial in real life, asking a regional director to do a menial job for themselves at a prestigious company. The balls! 

However, with time and life lessons, I learned that I had to stop being so pitiful and own my work, my creativity and identity with pride and conviction both online and offline. To do what I consider to be right and to voice not only myself but give the stage to Muslim women who need to be their own voices. And this is why I am back, more mature, more courageous, more daring and definitely more ready to face whatever comes my way. Welcome to my new self and my ever-evolving journey to ever changing chapters. 

Photography by Ty Faruki

Love and Peace

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